


I’m giving you my heart (don’t break it)

by justhockey



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coming Out, First Kiss, Getting Together, Happy Ending, M/M, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, Pining, okay this is about THAT video, soft willy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-02
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2020-06-02 14:52:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19443694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justhockey/pseuds/justhockey
Summary: Willy would probably really like her if she was dating literallyanyoneelse. But she’s not. She’s dating Kappy. So Willy kind of hates her.





	I’m giving you my heart (don’t break it)

**Author's Note:**

> Title from _More Than Friends_ by Jason Mraz.

Willy’s chest tightens and his heart aches as he watches the instagram story for the millionth time. 

He knows it’s dumb, to keep torturing himself like this, but he just can’t make himself stop. The way they’re holding each other so close, Kappy’s smile as his tongue darts out of his mouth in a laugh, how could Willy _stop_ watching that? 

He watches it with the volume turned all the way down though, doesn’t need to hear her laugh in the background, without it he can pretend for a second. Pretend that it’s real, that Kasperi loves him back. He doesn’t, of course. Never will do. But Willy came to terms with that a long time ago, and it still hasn’t done anything to squash the feeling he gets in his stomach every time Kas smiles at him.

So. 

He taps on the little icon to watch it again, and he can’t help but smile, even though the dull pain in his chest is anything but happy. 

And he knows he’s fucked, _has_ known, for years now really. But the turning point had been when his contract negotiations had stalled last year, and he was thousands of miles away from Kappy and the rest of the boys. In fact, it was a facetime with him that got the ball rolling. The sad, tired face staring back at him wasn’t the Kasperi he was in love with. So the next morning he’d told his agent he was signing, no matter what. 

He watches it again, this time with the volume all the way up to bring him back to reality. He focuses on her laughter, squeezes his eyes shut, then locks his phone - places it face down on the empty chest of drawers. They’re only staying in the hotel for two nights, Willy didn’t bring much with him, just an extra suit for tomorrow’s dinner party and a set of casual clothes. 

He’s not letting himself get comfortable. 

*

Willy tries not to let a sense of smugness settle over him when Kappy and his girlfriend arrive at the dinner party the following evening, and he switches the name cards so he can sit beside Willy. It doesn’t mean anything, Willy keeps telling himself. But it’s hard to keep hold of that mantra when Kas is turned towards Willy, gesturing animatedly as he speaks with his back to his girlfriend. 

He knows it’s petty, okay? Revelling in the fact that Kas would rather talk with Willy than her. He knows. And he also kind of hates himself for it, because she’s like, _really_ nice. She’s chill and funny, which is perfect for Kas, and she gets on with all the guys, and the wives and girlfriends too. 

Willy would probably really like her if she was dating literally _anyone_ else. But she’s not. She’s dating Kappy. So Willy kind of hates her. 

But it’s hard for him to hate _anything_ as Kappy’s arm wraps around his shoulder and he burrows his head into Willy’s neck while he laughs, drunk off the atmosphere and the alcohol. Willy laughs too, rests his hand over the arm that’s stretched across his chest to encircle him in a hug, and carefully ignores the pointed look that Auston is giving him from the next table over. 

Because of course Auston knows. He was the first person that Willy ever came out to, even before he and Mitch were like, A Thing. (Which they are now, by the way. It’s adorable). And he knows exactly how Willy feels about Kas, because for a hockey player he’s perceptive as fuck. 

Or maybe Willy’s pining is just obvious if you know what to look for. 

Whatever. The point is, Willy is ignoring the way Auston is looking at him, because it’s a mix between concern and frustration. And like, Willy gets that, but he never claimed to be smart. So he’ll take what he can get from Kappy, even if it sometimes it makes him feel like he’s suffocating. It’s worth is. Kasperi is always worth it. 

*

When Willy is alone in his hotel room for the second night, still half drunk, he pulls up the screen recording of him and Kappy that he’d taken last night. He knows it’s stupid to keep that on his phone, with the number of times that Kas steals it to take selfies or write tweets, but he couldn’t _not_. He couldn’t let a moment like that disappear, not when he’ll never have it again. 

He’s about to watch it for the third time when there’s a knock at the door. 

He quickly clicks off the video and locks his phone, tucking it under the bed covers for good measure, before shuffling over to the door. He’s that dopey kind of sluggish that you get when you’re starting to sober up after drinking all night, and he rubs his eyes tiredly as he swings open the door. 

He blinks a few times, surprised to see Kappy at his door, looking as tired as Willy feels, but with a lazy grin turning the corners of his mouth upwards. 

“Hey,” Kappy says. 

“Hi? What’s up?” Willy asks, stifling a yawn with a hand over his mouth. 

“I’m sleeping here tonight,” he replies, shouldering his way past Willy and into the hotel room. 

And like. Willy isn’t gonna say no to Kappy, like, ever. But. He has his own hotel room down the corridor with his _girlfriend_ in it. So Willy isn’t entirely sure what’s going on. And by the time he turns around to ask, Kas has already started to take off his suit and drape it over the back of the chair. 

Jesus _fuck_ , a half naked Kappy is _not_ what Willy needs when he has enough alcohol in his system to loosen his inhibitions. 

“Uh, why?” Willy asks as he walks back over to the bed. 

Kappy looks up from where he’s untying his dress shoes and flashes Willy a grin. 

“Can’t I want a sleepover with my best bud?”

Willy rolls his eyes, “Seriously, what are you doing?” He asks, laughing a little as Kas loses his balance slightly. 

“I told you, I’m sleeping here,” he reiterates as he unbuttons his trousers and shimmies out of them. 

Willy can’t help but smile fondly, “Yeah I gathered that, but _why?_ ”

Kas doesn’t reply until he’s laying in Willy’s bed, the covers tucked under his armpits. God, he’s gonna be the death of Willy if he smiles like that one more time. 

“She’s annoying me and I don’t wanna fight,” he says, shrugging, “and you’re more fun anyway.” He winks jokingly. 

Willy takes a deep breath. He wants to ask, _obviously_ , but he doesn’t. Figures the less he knows about Kasperi’s relationship, the better. So he doesn’t question it. He just climbs into bed next to his best friend, and tries to not to think about the disappointed look he’ll get from Auston when he finds out. 

*

Things go on like that for most of the off season really. Kappy shows up to parties and events with his girlfriend in tow, and like. It’s a punch to the gut every time Willy sees them together, or every time they post a picture on Instagram or Snapchat. Because _shit_ they look so good together, like freaking supermodels or some shit. But also because part of Willy is hoping that one day, _next time_ , Kas will show up alone. 

You see, Kas showing up at Willy’s hotel room during Zach’s wedding wasn’t the last time it had happened. Every week or so he gets a knock at the door of his apartment and when he opens it, Kappy is standing there. He’s always smiling, never looks sad or angry, but it’s always the same excuses, _she’s mad at me_ or _we had a fight_ or _I don’t want to fight with her_. 

And the first few times Willy tried to ask what it was about, but Kappy either shut him down or changed the subject entirely, so he just stopped questioning him. They’d play video games or watch a movie, waste a couple of hours doing nothing, and then he’d leave again. 

Every time Willy expects that to be the end of them, is ashamed to admit that he _hopes_ he’ll get a text or a visit from Kappy saying they’ve broken up. But it never happens. Whatever. Willy is fine with it, it’s not like he’s still hoping that Kas could ever feel the same. _He’s not._ He just wants his best friend to be happy, and Willy is no relationship expert, but Kas doesn’t seem that happy to him. 

But Willy loves him too much to say anything, so he keeps quiet when things are going good, and is there for Kas when they’re bad. Which is exactly what someone who isn’t in love with their best friend would do. It’s good practise. 

*

The first few weeks of the new season are a little strange for everyone. With Patty, Naz, Enzo, Brownie, Gards, Ron, and Zaitsev gone, and Barrie, Kerfoot, Spezza, and Ceci as the new additions, it takes some getting used to. But one thing Willy has always been able to rely on is the constant presence of Kappy, joking and teasing everyone in the room.

So it comes as a surprise when he storms into the locker room almost late, with a face like thunder, and doesn’t say a word to anyone for the whole of practice. 

Willy isn’t sure what to say or do. Kas usually always goes to Willy with his problems, has done since the Marlies, so he’s a bit thrown off that he doesn’t know what’s going on with him. He tries to approach Kas at the end of practice, invites him round for lunch and video games so he can figure out what’s going on, but he just makes some excuse and leaves before Willy can even respond. 

“They broke up,” Zach says, later on when they’re eating lunch at a quiet little restaurant. 

Willy’s eyebrows shoot up into his hairline and he almost chokes on his salad, “What?”

“Kappy and his girlfriend, the broke up,” Zach says, shovelling another mouthful in. 

“When?”

“Last night,” Zach replies around a mouthful of grilled chicken. 

“Why didn’t he tell me?” Willy wonders, trying not to sound as hurt as he feels. 

Zach just shrugs. 

“He shows up at my apartment every time they fight, then he doesn’t even bother to tell me when they break up?”

And like. Willy shouldn’t be mad really. Except he is. Because he’s spent months entertaining Kappy when he and his girlfriend were fighting, trying his best not to insert his opinion if it wasn’t welcome, feeling his heart fracture a little more every time he saw them together. And like, he’d do that all over again because that’s what friends do. But they also tell each other when they break up with their girlfriend. And Kappy didn’t. 

But he _did_ tell Zach. Which, like, Willy loves Zach okay? He’s an angel. But he’s not Kas’ best friend. So Willy doesn’t understand why Zach and god knows who else knew before him. 

So yeah, he’s mad. He thinks he’s allowed to be, given the circumstances. 

Which is why he heads straight to Kappy’s after he finishes lunch with Zach. 

When he opens the door after Willy knocks, he doesn’t look sad, and he doesn’t look as moody as he had done at practice, so Willy feels a little better about showing up. Except Kas doesn’t hold the door open or step back so Willy can go inside, instead he leans against the door frame with the door half closed. 

“What’s up Will?” He asks. 

Willy frowns a little, “You broke up. Why didn’t you tell me?”

Kappy rolls his eyes and shrugs as he replies, “It’s not a big deal.”

“You were dating for like six months, that’s kinda a big deal bud?”

Kappy lets out a frustrated little huff and Willy feels his anger soar. All he wants to do, all he’s been trying to do for months, is be there for his friend. And Kappy is just treating him like a convenient option. 

“I’m not in the mood, alright? I’m fine, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

And with that he shuts the door in Willy’s face, not even giving him a chance to reply. 

*

The initial anger that Willy had felt quickly gave way to hurt. Which, honestly, was way worse. And it only got harder as the weeks passed and Kas maintained his distance from Willy. He was back to his normal self in the locker room, was playing incredible, was spending time with the guys outside of the rink. But. He was also ignoring Willy. 

And, like. Okay. It maybe isn’t _obvious_ to most people, but Willy has always been so highly attuned to Kas and his behaviour, that he knows something is really off. 

So when Morgan corners him after a stunning win against the Bruins, he knows it’s gone beyond a small problem. 

“What’s going on?” Mo asks, ever the team dad _and_ captain. 

“What do you mean?” Willy says, trying to play it cool. 

Morgan gives him an incredulous look. “Willy you just got two goals against Boston yet you look like someone’s killed your cat.”

“I don’t even _have_ a cat,” Willy mutters. 

“Will, come on,” Morgan says softly. 

Morgan sits beside him and elbows him playfully. Willy lets out a groan and rests his head in his hands. 

He’s tried talking to Kasperi several times since the break up a few weeks ago, but every time he’s brushed him off. Willy doesn’t even know what he’s done _wrong_ is the problem. Like, at first he was so sure it was just Kas being weird with him, but now he’s not so sure. It’s been _weeks_ now, so surely Willy must have done something?

He’s trying his hardest not to let himself think about the possibility that Kasperi has figured him out, that maybe he knows how Willy feels, which is why he doesn’t wanna be around him. Like, obviously he was great when Willy came out to him, but. It’s one thing being friends with a gay guy, but being friends with a gay guy that’s in love with you? That’s an entirely different scenario. 

“Kappy hates me,” Willy sighs, perhaps a tad dramatically. 

Morgan chuckles, “He does _not_ hate you.”

“No you don’t understand, he’s barely spoken to me in weeks. Like, have you ever known us go that long without speaking?” Willy asks. 

Morgan takes a second to think, then frowns a little. 

“No.”

Will nods and sighs, “Exactly. He hates me. And I don’t even know _why?_ ”

“Have you tried asking him?”

And Willy can’t help but laugh at that, really. 

“Of course I tried asking him! He won’t talk to me!” Willy explodes, and then, quieter, “Do you think he knows?”

Morgan hesitates for just a second before replying, “Knows what, Will?”

He takes a deep breath. The whole team knows he’s gay, even the new guys, and they’re all great about it. But only Auston knows about his feelings for Kas, and seeing as Auston is mad at Kappy for being mad at Willy, he’s not exactly the best person to talk to about his predicament. But if anyone is gonna give good advice _and_ keep his mouth, it’s Morgan. 

“That I’m in love with him?” Willy says, his voice barely even a whisper. 

Willy holds his breath and keeps his eyes firm,y on the floor. Morgan is amazing, one of the best people he knows and the best friends he has, but he’s also captain of their team. And if this is causing problems for the team, that’s bound to be his main concern. But Willy’s concern goes out the window when he feels an arm wrap around his shoulder. 

“I don’t think he knows, Will. But I do think it’s time you tell him,” Morgan replies softly. 

“What do you mean, _about time?_ Did you know?” Willy asks. 

Anxiety swells in his chest at the thought of Morgan knowing already. Because if he knew, there’s nothing to say the rest of the team didn’t know as well. And the thought of them all knowing how pathetic Willy is, of how he’s been _pining_ for his straight teammate? It’s too much to bear. 

“Will, buddy, the whole team literally thought you were dating for like, a year?” Morgan chuckles. 

“What?” Willy splutters, “What do you mean?”

“You’ve seen the way you are together right?”

And when Willy looks back, like, yeah. Okay. So he and Kasperi have always been extremely close, but so have Auston and Mitch, and oh- 

Auston and Mitch are dating now. 

He thinks about all the teasing back when Kas first started playing with the Leafs, all the married couple and codependency jokes. And yeah, okay. They thought they were dating. 

“Oh.”

Morgan laughs again, “Willy, I think you need to talk to Kappy. Trust me.”

*

“Don’t shut the door in my face,” is the first thing that Willy says when Kas opens the door. 

He sees something flicker in Kasperi’s eyes, his expression change for just a second. Willy can’t quite figure out what or why, but he’s past entertaining Kas’ mood swings. They’re gonna talk it out whether he wants to or not. Morgan was right, they needed to - this is as far from them as they’ve ever been and Willy at least deserves to know why. 

So when Kas doesn’t close the door in his face, Willy almost pushes him out of the way as he steps inside the apartment. He ignores the noise of indignation from Kas and moves through his apartment to the living room, then sits down on the couch and waits for Kas to join him. 

“What do you want Will?” Kasperi asks, and he sounds vulnerable, almost. Scared. 

“I want to know what’s going on with us, Kas, because you’ve been ignoring me for weeks, and I deserve to know why,” Willy says, figuring there’s no reason to beat around the bush. 

Kas looks almost surprised that Willy is so upfront. He lets out a shaky breath and then sits down on the other end of the couch, as far away from Willy as possible. 

“What did I do?” Willy asks, his facade faltering as his voice cracks. 

He sees Kas flinch and wants to reach out to him but he doesn’t, can’t. It’s not his place anymore. 

“Fuck Will, you didn’t _do_ anything,” Kas groans, letting his head fall into his hands. 

“Is it because I didn’t like her? Is that why you didn’t tell me when you broke up? Is that why you won’t talk to me now?” Willy asks, too nervous to ask about the _other_ possible reason. 

Kas looks at him frowning slightly. “I thought you _did_ like her?”

Will shrugs, “I mean, not really. You weren’t happy with her and that’s all I care about, y’know? You being happy.”

“Fuck Willy, you can’t _say_ shit like that to me,” Kas says, abruptly standing up and crossing over to the other side of the room. 

Willy feels his heart sink. He’s not sure what part of what he said was wrong, but whatever it was he immediately wants to take it back. He’s just so tired of dancing around Kappy like he doesn’t miss him like crazy, like he’s not hurt and angry and in love. 

“I don’t understand-“ Willy starts to say, before Kas interrupts him. 

“Do you know why we broke up?”

Willy shakes his head. Of course he doesn’t. They’ve barely spoken since it happened. 

“She said I was distracted. That I was only with her because I couldn’t be with who I really wanted to be with,” Kappy says, refusing to even look in Willy’s direction. 

Willy frowns. Kas has never been hung up on any of his exes or hookups, and he’d been single for ages before they’d gotten together. And he hadn’t mentioned anyone else either, so Willy isn’t sure what she could have even been implying. 

His confusion must be apparent on his face, because Kasperi chuckles bitterly and sits back down beside him. 

“She was talking about you, Will,” he says after a moment of silence. 

Willy feels his breath catch in his lungs. His heart starts racing and his palms begin to sweat. Because, _fuck_ , was he so obvious that even she had picked up on how he felt about Kas? Like obviously his feelings weren’t reciprocated, but maybe she thought they were because of how close they always were. 

“Kas, I-“

“She was right.”

Everything just. Stops. Like Willy isn’t breathing, isn’t moving, isn’t even _thinking_ beyond a litany of KasKasKasKas. 

Surely, _surely_ he can’t possibly mean what Willy thinks he’s saying. It’s not possible. 

“I don’t, I-“

“I’m sorry,” Kas interrupts again. “I didn’t mean to like, fall for you. I didn’t even realise I had, not until she started making comments. The night of Zach’s wedding, when I stayed with you? She said I’d never once looked at her the way I looked at you when we were dancing.”

Willy subconsciously brushes his hand over his phone in the pocket of jeans, where the video of them slow dancing still resides. He feels his heart constrict with so many emotions he can’t distinguish one from the next. 

“So I freaked. We tried but she was right, Will. I’m in love with you. And I didn’t wanna fuck up our friendship but I guess I did that anyway, and I-“ 

Kas is rambling nervously so Willy reaches out a hand, takes hold of Kas’ and squeezes it tightly. Kasperi stops speaking immediately, turns his head to look at Willy, and gasps when their eyes meet. Willy knows why. He knows that Kas can see love written all over Willy’s face, shining behind his eyes, hiding in his smile. 

“I’m in love with you too,” Willy says, his voice gentle. 

Kasperi sucks in a shaky breath, looks down at their hands clasped together on his knee, and then looks back up. Willy smiles at him, big and bright, and he sees Kas melt right in front of him. 

Willy doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t even get the chance to before Kasperi is crushing their lips together in a searing kiss. 

It steals Willy’s breath, ignites something deep inside of his chest as he pulls Kas impossibly closer and kisses him with a determined ferocity. It’s impossible to determine who is making which sound as they whimper and moan into each other’s mouths, their hands grasping anywhere and everywhere they can reach. 

When they’re both dizzy with breathlessness, they finally separate. But they don’t go far, as Kas rests their foreheads together and they share each other’s breath. 

“Fuck,” Willy whispers. 

“How long?” Kas asks, his hands tightening in Willy’s hair. 

“God, Kas, _years,_ ” he replies, too blissed out to be embarrassed. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Kasperi groans. 

“You didn’t feel the same,” Willy says, licking his lips as he still tries to catch his breath. 

“I did. I did, I just didn’t know it. I’m sorry.”

Willy presses their lips together to silence him, “It’s okay. You know now.”

“Fuck, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Kas mumbles as their lips are still touching. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay Kas, I promise.”

And they are okay. Or they will be, at least. 

*

The next time Spezza teases them about being too codependent, Kasperi leans over and kisses Willy until everyone in the room is cheering and catcalling them. 

It’s perfect.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay this is obviously based on the instagram story of Willy and Kappy slow dancing to Lady Antebellum at Zach’s wedding. I didn’t mention Kappy’s girlfriend by name purely because it felt mean to hurt her and this is entirely fiction other than the actual dance. 
> 
> Ps. I’m super sad about losing Patrick, Naz, Enzo, Ron, Zaitsev, and Connor, so this was like therapy.


End file.
